Waiting Times!

Waiting times! because apparently society has decided that time is no longer a linear concept but a sort of vague suggestion, like “mind the gap” or “this bus is due.” 

Last night I waited nearly half an hour, thirty actual minutes! for something that should have taken less time than boiling an egg. And not one of those fancy soft‑boiled eggs either. I’m talking about the kind of egg that comes out of the pan so hard you could use it to break a window in an emergency. Waiting these days has become a competitive sport. You stand there, checking your watch, then checking your phone, then checking your pulse to confirm you are still technically alive. 

Meanwhile, the universe is behind the scenes going, “Let’s see how long we can keep him here before he starts talking to himself.” By minute twenty‑five you’ve had full conversations with imaginary people, rewritten your will, and reconsidered every life choice that led you to this queue‑shaped purgatory.And the worst part is the optimism. You start off thinking, “This won’t take long.” That’s the first mistake. That’s how they get you. Because the moment you think that, the universe deploys its secret weapon: the person in front of you who has never interacted with a human system before. They will ask questions. They will ask follow‑up questions. They will ask questions that require the staff to consult a binder last updated during the Bronze Age.

By the time you finally reach the front, you’re so emotionally drained you can barely remember your own name. You just hand over whatever they ask for card, ID, kidney anything to make the ordeal end. And then, of course, the staff member says the words that strike fear into the heart of every British citizen: “Sorry for the wait.”Sorry for the wait. That’s like saying, “Sorry the Titanic had a bit of a damp” 

But this morning? Smooth. Efficient. Practically a miracle. Which only proves that the universe can behave  it just chooses not to, usually when you’re tired, hungry, or in a hurry!