That Week In Sport.A Look Back At the Jast Seven Days In Sport. A Week So Chaotic It Feels Like The Universe Is Being Run By A Committee Of Overcaffeinated Squirrels.

This has been one of those weeks in sport where every headline feels like it was generated by a malfunctioning robot that only learned English yesterday! 

For example, the BBC has decided to axe Football Focus, a programme that has been on air since roughly the Jurassic period. This is shocking news for millions of viewers who relied on it every Saturday to tell them which teams were “in form,” which teams were “out of form,” and which teams were “in a transitional period,” which is pundit code for “terrible.” The BBC says it’s making “strategic changes,” which is TV‑executive language for “we have absolutely no idea what we’re doing but we’re doing it confidently.”

Meanwhile, in actual football drama, York City have been promoted to the Football League after scoring in the 13th minute of stoppage time. Thirteenth minute. That’s not stoppage time  that’s a whole new geological era. By that point in a match, most fans have already gone home, made a cup of tea, and emotionally processed the result. But York kept going, presumably because the referee had dropped his watch into a puddle and was just guessing. Their goal at Rochdale has now been classified as “the most dramatic finish in football history,” narrowly beating the time someone’s dog ran onto the pitch and scored a header!

But the real superhumans this week were in London, where Sebastian Sawe ran a sub‑two‑hour marathon in an actual competitive race. One hour, 59 minutes, 30 seconds. I can’t even microwave a lasagne in that time. Sawe ran 26.2 miles at a pace that would cause the average human to immediately phone an ambulance and say, “I don’t know what’s happening but I’m pretty sure my lungs have left my body.” And in the women’s race, Tigst Assefa broke her own world record, finishing in 2:15:41, which is incredible because I once tried to jog for 15 minutes and had to lie down on the pavement like a Victorian child with consumption.

In boxing, Anthony Joshua and Tyson Fury have finally agreed to fight, which is great news for fans who enjoy watching two enormous men attempt to punch each other into a different postcode. This fight has been teased for so long that some people assumed it was a myth, like Bigfoot or reasonably priced train tickets. But apparently it’s happening, and when it does, the combined force of their punches may cause minor earthquakes or at least knock over a few garden gnomes.

On a more emotional note, Chelsea captain Millie Bright has retired from football, ending a career that included 294 appearances, 88 England caps, and approximately 4,000 blocked shots that would have killed a lesser mortal. Millie Bright played football the way most people assemble flat‑pack furniture: with absolute commitment, a refusal to be defeated, and occasional shouting. She leaves behind a legacy of trophies, leadership, and opponents who still have bruises shaped like her.

And finally, in golf  a sport normally associated with polite clapping and people named Nigel  Saudi Arabia is reportedly ending its funding of LIV Golf next season. This is a major development, because without that funding, LIV Golf may have to do something radical, like operate on a normal budget or stop handing out prize money large enough to buy a small moon. Golf fans everywhere are now wondering what happens next, while non‑golf fans are wondering what LIV Golf is and whether it involves windmills.

So that’s the week: a cancelled TV institution, a miracle promotion, superhuman marathoners, heavyweight chaos, a legend retiring, and golf having an existential crisis. Sport  it’s like normal life, but with more shouting and significantly tighter shorts.