That Week In Sport. A Look back at The Lst Seven Days in The world Of Sport. Same Results, Different Excuses!

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Well, sports fans, it has been a wild week  the kind of week where you look at the headlines and think, “Yes, this all seems perfectly normal,” even though absolutely none of it is.

Let’s begin with the biggest comeback since polyester trousers: Coventry City are back in the Premier League after 25 years. Twenty‑five years! That’s long enough for a child to be born, grow up, go to university, and still not understand the offside rule. Coventry fans are understandably ecstatic, mostly because they can finally stop explaining to younger supporters that, yes, they used to be in the top flight and, no, they’re not making it up. Somewhere in the Midlands, a Sky Blues fan is still crying tears of joy into a commemorative mug.

Meanwhile, in Spain, Lionel Messi has bought a fifth‑tier Catalan club called Cornella, presumably because he has completed football and is now working his way through the side quests. Most people buy a house plant or a new pair of trainers when they’re bored. Messi buys an entire football club. At this rate, by 2030 he’ll own La Liga, the Champions League, and possibly the moon.

Back in England, Manchester City have beaten Arsenal in the title race again, which is shocking in the same way that discovering water is wet is shocking. Every year we pretend the title race is wide open, and every year City turn up like the Terminator with a spreadsheet. Arsenal fans are once again left staring into the middle distance, wondering if this is what character‑building feels like.

But let’s move to China, where things have taken a turn for the futuristic. Runners competed against robots in a half marathon, because apparently the apocalypse is going to be cardio‑based. I don’t know who won, but I do know that if a robot overtook me in a race, I would simply lie down on the pavement and accept my new role as a decorative speed bump. This is how it starts: first they beat us in marathons, then they take our jobs, then they start demanding their own Netflix accounts.

In tennis news, Emma Raducanu has pulled out of another tournament, this time the Madrid Open. At this point, Emma has withdrawn from more tournaments than I’ve entered, which is impressive because I’ve entered none. I’m beginning to suspect she’s allergic to the ATP calendar. Someone should check whether she breaks out in hives whenever she sees a clay court.

Over in Hong Kong, Matt Richardson has stormed to two gold medals at the Track World Cup, helping Great Britain win nine medals overall. This is excellent news, although I maintain that track cycling is the only sport where everyone looks like they’re about to launch into orbit. The helmets alone make them look like they’re auditioning for a reboot of Tron.

And finally, in the United States, a Colorado Rockies fan caught a baseball while holding a baby, instantly becoming the most competent multitasker in North America. The man didn’t flinch. He didn’t wobble. He didn’t even drop the baby, which is more than I can say for myself when I’m holding a cup of tea and someone asks me a question. Somewhere, that child is already being scouted by Major League Baseball for having elite “being held during a catch” genetics.

So there you have it: Coventry rise, Messi shops for football clubs, City crush dreams, robots run marathons, Raducanu rests, Richardson rockets, and an American dad becomes a viral legend. If next week features a horse doing dressage on a hoverboard, I won’t even blink.


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