That Sporting Week Sports Review. A Weekly Look at The Top Sport Stories In the Last Week OF Sport. Delivered In The Style Of A Man Who Has Drunk Too Many Energy Drinks And Is Shouting People On TV.

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Ladies and gentlemen, sports enthusiasts, and people who only watch football because they enjoy shouting “WHAT IS HE DOING?” at strangers on TV 

Welcome to another thrilling, baffling, occasionally tragicomic week in sport. A week so chaotic that even the VAR officials would struggle to make sense of it, and those people can’t even make sense of a straight line.

Let’s begin with the Premier League, where a new survey has revealed that three‑quarters of fans are against VAR. This is shocking news to absolutely nobody, because the only people who like VAR are the people who invented it, and even they are starting to look nervous. VAR was supposed to bring clarity, fairness, and scientific precision to football. Instead, it has brought confusion, rage, and the kind of arguments normally reserved for family Christmases. Fans now spend entire matches waiting for a man in a bunker to draw geometric shapes on a screen like a bored GCSE maths teacher. At this point, VAR decisions are determined by a combination of slow‑motion replays, quantum mechanics, and whether Mercury is in retrograde.

Meanwhile, in international football, Northern Ireland and Wales both lost their World Cup play‑off semi‑finals, which means neither will be going to the tournament. This is devastating for fans, who had already begun practising their chants, ironing their flags, and Googling “how to get beer stains out of replica kits.” The matches themselves were classic British heartbreak: brave performances, heroic defending, and just enough missed chances to make everyone stare silently into the middle distance for several hours afterwards. Somewhere, a commentator is still saying, “They can hold their heads high,” which is sports‑pundit code for “This hurts, and we all know it.”

But fear not athletics has arrived to provide some much‑needed comic relief. Keely Hodgkinson, Olympic medal magnet and professional wind‑up merchant, has taken a playful jab at West Ham by claiming that Team GB will win more medals at the London Stadium in 2029 than West Ham have “in their entire history.” This is what we in the business call “elite‑level trolling.” West Ham fans responded with their usual calm dignity, by which I mean they immediately logged onto social media and typed things in ALL CAPS. Keely, meanwhile, is probably somewhere doing a victory lap while humming “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles.” (Don't Even Dare! Ed)

In the world of golf, Tiger Woods has been charged with driving under the influence after a car crash in Florida, proving once again that Tiger’s life contains more plot twists than a Netflix true‑crime documentary. Golf is supposed to be a calm, serene sport played by people who tuck their shirts in and say things like “lovely lie.” Tiger, however, continues to live a life so dramatic that the PGA Tour may eventually have to classify him as an extreme sport.

But let’s move to something uplifting: Kirsty Muir has become the first British woman to win World Cup titles in both freeski slopestyle and overall park and pipe. This is an extraordinary achievement, especially considering that most British people struggle to remain upright on a frosty pavement. Freeski slopestyle involves launching yourself off enormous ramps while performing tricks that defy physics, gravity, and common sense. The fact that Kirsty not only does this but wins trophies for it suggests she may not be entirely human. Scientists should study her. Or at least give her a cape.

Elsewhere in motorsport, Kimi Antonelli won the Japanese Grand Prix, which is impressive because the Japanese Grand Prix is one of the few sporting events where the athletes move so fast that spectators can only identify them by colour, shape, and the Doppler effect. Kimi is being hailed as the next big thing in racing, which means he will soon be photographed wearing sunglasses indoors and saying things like “the car felt good today” even when the car was clearly trying to kill him.

And finally, in the Premier League managerial carousel which spins faster than a toddler on Haribo  Igor Tudor has left Tottenham after just 44 days and seven games. This is not a managerial stint; this is a long weekend. Tottenham go through managers the way most people go through packets of crisps (I see What You Did There Ed) At this rate, the club will soon be hiring managers on an hourly basis, like Uber drivers. “Your interim coach will arrive in four minutes. He is driving a 2022 Honda Civic and prefers not to talk.”

So there you have it: VAR chaos, heartbreak, trolling, crashes, triumphs, high‑speed heroics, and Tottenham doing Tottenham things. Another perfectly normal week in sport which is to say, completely ridiculous.


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