How to Tell if You're A Computer Geek.

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There comes a moment in every modern human’s life when you must confront a difficult truth: You might be a computer geek! I don’t mean a “regular computer user,” the kind of person who turns on their laptop, checks email, and occasionally shouts “WHY IS IT DOING THAT” at Microsoft Word. I mean a geek, the sort of person who becomes visibly emotional when discussing graphics cards.

Fortunately, I have developed a simple, scientifically questionable test to determine where you fall on the spectrum.

1. Your Relationship With the Word “Update”

A regular computer user sees the word “Update” and reacts the way a Victorian maiden reacts to a mouse: with fear, confusion, and a strong desire to leave the room. They click “Remind me later,” which in their mind means “Remind me never,” and in the computer’s mind means “We will do this at 3 a.m. while you sleep.”

A computer geek, on the other hand, sees “Update available” and experiences a small thrill, like a dog hearing the word “walkies.” They click “Install now” before even reading what the update does. It could say, “This update may cause your computer to explode,” and the geek would still click it, because it includes “performance improvements,” which is geek catnip.

2. Your Feelings About Cables

A regular user has one cable. They don’t know what it’s called. It came with the device. If it stops working, they panic and buy a new device.

A computer geek has a drawer — possibly an entire room — dedicated to cables. HDMI, USB‑C, micro‑USB, mini‑USB, lightning, thunderbolt, firewire, cables that haven’t been manufactured since the Roman Empire. They keep them all, because “You never know.” Geeks have cables that could connect a toaster to a submarine.

3. Your Definition of “Fixing” a Computer

A regular user fixes a computer by turning it off and on again, then calling someone younger.

A computer geek fixes a computer by opening it up, removing parts, blowing into things, reattaching mysterious components, and saying phrases like, “Ah, there’s your problem ... your thermal paste is suboptimal.” They say this even if they have no idea what thermal paste is. It just sounds authoritative.

4. Your Reaction to Someone Else Using Your Computer

A regular user hands over their laptop with the carefree innocence of a person giving someone a biscuit.

A computer geek hands over their laptop the way a parent hands over a newborn baby: slowly, reluctantly, and with a list of rules. “Don’t close the tabs. Don’t touch the settings. Don’t click anything that looks like an ad. Actually, don’t click anything at all. Just… hover.”

5. Your Browser Tabs

A regular user has three tabs open: email, news, and something they forgot to close.

A computer geek has so many tabs open that the top of the screen looks like a row of microscopic postage stamps. They insist they need all of them. “That one is a tutorial I’m definitely going to read. That one is a forum thread from 2014 that might be relevant. That one is a meme. That one is another meme. That one is  look, they’re all essential!”

6. Your Definition of “Fun”

A regular user’s idea of fun is watching a film or going for a walk.

A computer geek’s idea of fun is building a PC from scratch, which is essentially Lego for adults but with more swearing. They will spend eight hours assembling a machine that could power a small moon, then proudly announce, “It boots!”

7. Your Family’s Relationship With You

A regular user’s family asks them to help with the Wi‑Fi.

A computer geek’s family asks them to help with everything. Wi‑Fi, printers, phones, tablets, smart TVs, thermostats, doorbells, microwaves, and occasionally the washing machine. They assume the geek has mystical powers. The geek does not. But they pretend, because it’s nice to feel needed!



If you recognised yourself in more than three of these, congratulations: you are a computer geek. If you recognised yourself in all of them, you are a high‑level computer geek, possibly one firmware update away from becoming part machine.

And if none of this made sense to you, don’t worry you’re a regular user.

Just don’t click “Update.”

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