One Wedding Dress = Little Imagination.

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So picture this! You’re getting married, right? It's supposed to be the happiest day of your life, the one day where you’re not supposed to be stressing about anything except whether Uncle Tony’s is going to get hammered and start talking about the moon landing was faked on a movie set built on Mars! And now you’re telling me you want walk down the aisle looking like the Oscars afterparty collided with a Victoria’s Secret runway? What are we doing here?

Look, I get it. You want to feel hot. You want to feel powerful. You want to feel like Beyoncé just descended from a cloud of glitter and whispered, “You got this, girl.” Fine. I support that. I do. But maybe just maybe there’s a middle ground between “classic elegance” and “wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.”

'Beause here’s the thing: weddings? They’re not just about you. I know, I know blasphemy! But there’s a whole room full of people who showed up, put on pants, bought you a toaster, and now they have to sit there trying not to make eye contact with your sternum while you say your vows. You want your nan sitting there clutching her pearls like she just saw a ghost? Do you want your dad looking like he’s trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube with his eyes closed just to avoid glancing at your sideboob? Come on!

And let’s talk about the photos. Oh yes. Because those are forever. You think you’re going to look back in 20 years and say, “Wow, I’m so glad I wore the dress that made me look like I lost a bet with a Vegas showgirl”? No. You’re going to be sitting’ there with your kids, flippin’ through the album, and they’re going be like, “Mum… why are you dressed like a Bond villain’s mistress?” And what are you gonna say? “It was a vibe”? No. No it wasn’t. It was a cry for help wrapped in mesh and rhinestones.

Look, I’m not saying’ you have to wear a turtleneck and a chastity belt. I’m just saying maybe don’t turn your wedding into a red carpet thirst trap. Save that for the honeymoon. That’s where the fantasies go. That’s where you unleash the dragon, alright? But the ceremony? That’s sacred. That’s vows. That’s love. That’s your aunt crying into a tissue and your cousin Yvette ,trying not to spill Prosecco on the flower girl.

So yes be bold, be beautiful, be you. But maybe don’t be “Oops, all nipples.” You know what I mean?

Anyway, congratulations. I’m sure it’ll be magical. Jus maybe throw a lining in there. For the children.

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