History Wars: When the Past Finally Goes Global.

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Dear Sir,

I write to you from the front lines of the History Wars, where brave academics armed with clipboards and quinoa have finally discovered that things happened outside of Britain. Yes, apparently the past wasn’t just a long queue for tea followed by a minor skirmish in the colonies. Who knew?

Thanks to modern Western research (funded by the Department for Rewriting Things to Feel Less Guilty About), and student protests so violent they made the Battle of Hastings look like a pillow fight, we now acknowledge that other countries also had history. France, for example, invented shouting. Egypt built some pyramids. And America did something involving wigs and independence, though the details remain sketchy due to lack of proper cricket.

This revelation has rocked the foundations of the National Curriculum, which previously consisted of Henry VIII, World War II, and a brief mention of the Romans if time allowed. Now, students are expected to learn about “global perspectives,” which includes maps that don’t just stop at Dover and a module called “Why the Empire Might Not Have Been Entirely Lovely.”

Naturally, this has upset traditionalists, who believe history should be taught the proper way: through a series of stern portraits and anecdotes about how we used to own everything. But progress marches on, often accompanied by chanting, placards, and someone dressed as Karl Marx handing out leaflets about the oppression of medieval turnips.

Yours in historical humility, 
A Concerned Citizen (BA in Anglo-Saxon Superiority Studies)





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