Words Are Very Important. They Convey Meaning And Emotion,But They Can Also Be Used To Bore The Tits Off You!

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Words are like people at a family reunion. Some of them are loud, some of ’them are deep, some of them just show up to drink wine and disappear. But then you have those words that just hang around, don’t say anything, don’t do anythíng, just sitting there like a cousin who smells like mothballs and disappointment. If you've ever been trapped in a conversation with somebody who uses words like “heretofore” and “vis-à-vis”then you'll know, that’s not a conversationthat’s a hostage situation!


I was at this dinner party once, Quite a fancy place. Candles, wine, little tiny forks that look like they were made for Barbie. And this bloke starts talking about “The semiotics of postmodern narrative structures.” I said, excuse me what the hell did you just say?” I thought he was casting a spell! I was waiting for a rabbit to pop out his mouth. Semiotics? Postmodern? I was there for chicken,not a TED Talk!


And you know who’s the worst? Academics! Ohhh they love words. They collect them like Pokémon. You ask a professor what time it is, he’ll say, “Well, temporally speaking, we are situated within the liminal space between dusk and twilight.” So I say gotcha it’s 7:30!? I don’t have time for a dissertation I got a traín to catch!


But it isn't just the smart people. Oh no. You ever meet somebody who thinks they’re deep? Like, they read one quote from Nietzsche and now they walk around like they’re the Dalai Lama with a vape pen!? “You know, pain is just the universe reminding you that you’re alive.” No, pain is the universe telling you to stop doing dumb stuff! You touched the cooker, now your hand’s on fire. That isn’t philosophy, that’s physics!


And then we have corporate speak. Ohhh Lord. You walk into a meeting and suddenly everybody’s talking like they swallowed a thesaurus. “We need to synergize our verticals and optimize our bandwidth.” What?! I just say “work together and stop watching YouTube at your desk!” I had a boss once who said, “Let’s circle back on that.” I said, “Circle back? You mean talk about it later?” He said, “Exactly.” I said, “Then say that, idiot!”


Words are powerful, yes. They can move mountains, start revolutions, make you cry, make you laugh. But they can also make you want to jump out a window if used incorrectly. Have you ever read the terms and conditions on a website? That’s not English that’s legal Sudoku! “By clicking accept, you agree to waive all rights to your soul, your shoes, and your ability to feel joy.” And we still click it! Why? Beause we just want to watch cat videos!


So yes, words matter. But if you use too many, too fancy, too slow, you're not communicating, you’re just showing off. Keep it simple. Keep it real. And for God’s sake, don’t bore the tits off people. They didn’t come here for a lecture they came here for the chicken.

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