This Weekly Entertainment News Round-up. 7th November. The week’s showbiz shenanigan's

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Right, strap in, pop your eyeballs on stalks and prepare to be dazzled by the glittery bin fire that is this week’s showbiz news. It’s been a right old knees-up in the land of fame, fortune and facial fillers, and I’ve got the scoop, the scandal, and the surgically enhanced side-eye to prove it.

First up, Lily Allen, who’s decided that subtlety is for losers and has dropped (That's apparently what we oldies used to call released an album!🙄) an album so pointed it could slice David Harbour’s ego into wafer-thin ham. “West End Girl” is basically 14 tracks of musical divorce papers, each one accusing the Stranger Things star of everything short of stealing her last Rolo. Titles include “Madeline”, “Tennis”, and presumably “You Absolute Bellend”. It’s the UK’s most-downloaded album of the week, proving that nothing sells like heartbreak and a catchy chorus.

Meanwhile, Victoria Beckham has been busy polishing her husband’s sword. No, not like that, you filth merchants! David Beckham was knighted by King Charles, which means he’s now officially Sir Kickalot of Windsor. Posh posted a gushing tribute online, saying she’s “never felt prouder”, which is odd because she once launched a fashion line made entirely of beige and still managed to keep a straight face.

Elsewhere, Dame Denise Lewis has split from her music mogul husband after 17 years. That’s longer than most pop careers and at least three Kardashians. No word yet on who gets custody of the vinyl collection, but I’m betting Denise walks away with the basslines and he keeps the autotune.

Amy Dowden has pulled out of Strictly Come Dancing to undergo another mastectomy, proving once again that she’s tougher than a Gregg’s steak bake left on a radiator. The show will miss her twirls, but the nation’s sympathy is firmly with her, and rightly so.

In other news, Anthony Hopkins has released a memoir called We Did Okay Kid, which is less a title and more a passive-aggressive shrug. It’s full of melancholic musings, estranged daughters, and enough booze to float a Welsh choir. Expect the audiobook to be narrated in his Hannibal Lecter voice, with bonus slurping.

Jonathan Ross cancelled his famous Halloween party, presumably because he couldn’t find a costume that didn’t involve dressing as a disgraced BBC presenter. And Sydney Sweeney says people underestimate her, which is fair, given she’s spent most of her career playing characters who think philosophy is a type of pasta.

Myleene Klass’s luxury food delivery company has gone belly-up, proving that even posh nosh can’t survive the economic equivalent of a wet fart in a wind tunnel.


And Finally Which two A-listers were spotted arguing at a vegan sushi bar after one of them ordered something with feelings!? More updates as soon as someone leaks a grainy photo taken through a fern.”



So there you have it: a week of knighthoods, nightgowns, and no-nonsense musical vengeance. Tune in next week when someone else releases a breakup album, someone else gets knighted, and someone else forgets to pay their food delivery staff. Showbiz, eh? It’s like EastEnders with Botox.


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