The "Oh Really!?" Protocol.

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So I says to him, “What do you do then?”  
And he goes, “I’m a funeral director.”  
And I goes, “Oh really!?” like I’ve just found out he moonlights as a trapeze artist in Rhyl.

Doesn’t matter what they say. Could be plumber, banker, beekeeper, or bloody astronaut the response is always “Oh really!?”  
It’s the national default. The verbal shrug. The polite way of saying, “I’ve no idea what that entails and frankly I don’t care, but I’m too British to say so.”

You could tell someone you’re a professional wombat wrangler and they’d still go, “Oh really!?”  
Then nod sagely like they’ve just remembered a documentary about marsupial logistics on BBC Four.

It’s not curiosity. It’s survival.  
We’ve evolved past genuine interest. We just want to get through the conversation without accidentally learning anything.

“Oh really!?” is the conversational equivalent of putting your coat on and backing slowly out of the room.


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