Mars: The Next Extinction Event.

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Long ago, (Longer than that) a rock the size of Essex fell from space,it gave Earth a Glasgow kiss, and wiped out the dinosaurs. No warning, no apology, just bang, extinction with a side of lava. Fast forward 65 million years and here we are bipedal apes with Wi-Fi, arguing over goat milk and whether AI can write poetry. Spoiler: it can, and it’s judging your playlist.

But now, we’ve got rockets. We’ve got billionaires in space nappies. We’ve got a British space programme that consists of one bloke in Swindon with a telescope and a dream. And we’re eyeing up Mars like it’s the next Ibiza. Red, dusty, and probably full of creatures that look like your nan’s garden gnomes after a bad acid trip.

And what’s our plan? Not diplomacy. Not tea and biscuits. No invasion! We’ll land, plant a flag, and immediately start looking for something to shoot. Because if there’s one thing humanity does well, it’s turning up uninvited and ruining the local wildlife.

So yes, maybe we’ll go to another planet and kill their dinosaurs. Not because we have to. Not because they’re dangerous. But because they looked at us funny and didn’t have a Greggs.

Progress, innit.

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