The weekly forecast for the week of 20–26 February, Dripping with that familiar mix of doom, sarcasm and resigned Britishness.

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THE WEEK AHEAD: WEATHER THAT HATES YOU PERSONALLY:



Friday 20 Feb:

A “brisk northerly breeze” will slap you in the face like a disapproving aunt. Expect temperatures that meteorologists describe as “Fresh” and normal humans describe as “Why do we live here”.



Saturday 21 Feb:

Rain arrives with the confidence of a man who’s read half a book on leadership. It will insist on being “Light showers”, but will somehow soak you through to the bone in under 90 seconds.



Sunday 22 Feb:

A brief sunny spell will trick millions into leaving the house without a coat. By mid‑afternoon, the sun will vanish, leaving behind only regret and a sky the colour of cancelled plans.



Monday 23 Feb:

Wind speeds increase to “hold onto your Greggs bag” levels. Commuters will battle gusts strong enough to make them reconsider every life choice that led to being outside at 7.30am.



Tuesday 24th Feb:


Fog descends, giving everything the vibe of a low‑budget Victorian crime drama. Visibility will be so poor that several people will accidentally greet wheelie bins as neighbours.



Wednesday 25th Feb:


A cold snap returns, described by forecasters as “Unseasonable” and by everyone else as “Typical”. Expect ice on pavements, perfect for those who enjoy slapstick falls without the laugh track.



Thursday 26 Feb:
A final flourish of drizzle  the UK’s national weather  will coat the country in a thin film of misery. By evening, the Met Office will issue its weekly reminder that “spring is coming”, which nobody believes.


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