The Weekly News Review For 12th December.

Well, what a week it’s been in the swirling lavatory pan of global news, where politicians, royals, and assorted lunatics have been splashing about like toddlers in a paddling pool filled with Red Bull. Forget budgets, forget fiscal fibbing this week was all about chaos, calamity, and the occasional cosmic light show.

Let’s start at home. Storm Bram battered the UK with winds up to 90mph, leaving commuters clinging to bus stops like reluctant pole dancers and roofs flying off houses faster than promises at a hustings. Train services were cancelled, ferries were grounded, and one poor bloke in Cornwall was filmed chasing his wheelie bin down the street like it was an Olympic sport. The Met Office called it “severe weather,” which is meteorological code for “we’ve run out of adjectives, just stay indoors and hope for the best.”

Meanwhile, a British paratrooper was killed fighting in Ukraine, named as Lance Corporal George Hooley. His death sparked tributes across the forces, while politicians managed to look solemn for at least five minutes before returning to their usual squabbles. It’s a grim reminder that while we argue about potholes and bin collections, young men are still dying in wars that feel like they’ve been going on since History began.

Back in Blighty, homelessness hit the headlines again, with charities warning that ministers are “falling short” on their £3.5bn plan to halve rough sleeping. Reports revealed that more than 1 in 20 people are homeless in parts of London, which is less “housing crisis” and more “national disgrace.” The government promised to end the use of B&Bs as emergency housing, which is ironic given most of us would kill for a night in a Travelodge with free Wi‑Fi.

Elsewhere, five Palestine Action prisoners were taken to hospital as their hunger strike continued, highlighting the ongoing fury over UK complicity in arms sales. The tabloids largely ignored it, preferring to focus on whether the King’s Christmas speech will feature a joke about climate change. Priorities, eh?

Speaking of royals, King Charles welcomed German president Frank‑Walter Steinmeier to Windsor Castle, where they shared venison and polite chuckles. Charles also condemned Russian aggression, which is brave given his main weapon is a fountain pen and a stern glare. Still, it’s nice to know the monarchy is keeping busy between ribbon‑cuttings and pretending to enjoy opera.

Abroad, Donald Trump exchanged “strong words” with Kyiv’s allies, proving once again that diplomacy is less about handshakes and more about shouting across conference tables. Meanwhile, Australia introduced a world‑first ban on social media for under‑16s, leaving teenagers wandering the streets in shock, clutching their phones like relics from a lost civilisation. The government calls it a “grand social experiment,” which is a polite way of saying “we’ve run out of ideas, so let’s see what happens if we unplug the kids.”

Elsewhere, Hong Kong continued to reel from a deadly apartment fire that killed more than 150 people, with officials promising “justice” while arresting over 20 suspects. In Morocco, a double building collapse left 22 dead, reminding us that infrastructure failures are less “tragic accident” and more “we told you so.” And in Italy, cuisine was officially granted world heritage status by UNESCO—which means pasta is now protected, but your local trattoria still won’t let you order pineapple pizza without judgement.

Closer to home, GCHQ released its annual Christmas puzzle, inviting the public to solve cryptic codes while the rest of us struggle to remember our Netflix passwords. And in a rare moment of beauty, the Northern Lights danced across UK skies, dazzling Brits who briefly forgot about potholes, politics, and the price of Freddos. Social media was flooded with blurry photos captioned “OMG,” proving that even in 2025, auroras are still more exciting than Love Island.

So there you have it: a week where Storm Bram tried to blow Britain into the North Sea, homelessness figures shamed the government, a soldier died in Ukraine, Palestine activists starved for justice, Charles dined with Germans, Trump shouted at allies, Australia unplugged its teenagers, Hong Kong burned, Morocco collapsed, Italy protected pasta, GCHQ teased us with puzzles, and the Northern Lights reminded us that sometimes the universe still puts on a show.